Reflections, Lessons, and Plans

Christmas Day, 2018. I sat on the couch opening my presents, thinking I couldn’t bear to be at the same place in my life in a year.

Well, I’m definitely not in the same place, and I feel like I’ve aged several years in one.

That December, my uncle was in assisted living, while we tried to figure out what had been going on in his mind that would make him forget who we were. By Christmas, he was coming back to us; but January 7th, our plans were ruined when he was very suddenly taken from us. While we’d been focused on his mind, his heart had other ideas. I think that’s when I realized how old I am — I’m at the point in my life where I lost an uncle. It doesn’t seem possible to me.

I had no idea that this was just the start of a tumultuous year.

The intentional changes began at the Ladies Spring Retreat at the Springs Camp (where I used to work) in March, with my best friend Emma. I faced my fear of heights and went down the double zip line. I never rode the zip line the summer I worked there. I remember climbing the tower with Emma, with my heart beating so hard I could feel it, and it felt like it might actually jump out my chest. Standing at the top, getting hooked up, I had a death grip on the strap of my harness, feeling like I might actually pass out before I could step off. Heads up, ya’ll: if you zip line, hang on low. I held on high, and extremely tight. When I stepped off, and my weight hit the bottom my my harness, it ripped my hands down the strap I was holding. I was overjoyed that I’d faced my fears, but at the same time I was in awful pain because my hands had just been ripped open! I spent the rest of the retreat answering questions about why my hands were completely wrapped in gauze. I have a scar on one hand, but let me tell you, I’m actually glad I have a scar to remind me that I can do anything, even when I’m totally terrified. (I know I’m smiling in the picture, but it was that or tears)

 

I knew I needed some big changes in my life. There were things I wanted to do, places to see. So in June, I got on a plane for the first time in my life, all alone, and flew to Arizona to see my cousins. I had the most amazing time, but at the back of my mind was how far I was from home; a month previous, we had discovered my grandpa had cancer.

So amid being excited, and so proud of myself for going off on my big adventure, I was also thinking that this would surely be my last year with my grandpa. The doctors told us six months. Which became one month, which became a week right down to the day. Grandpa went Home on July 4th. Somehow we all knew that would be the day. Walking him home — sometimes singing him home — was bar none, the hardest, but greatest privilege of my life. The music knitted those days together for me: 10,000 Reasons is now in my mind, “Grandpa’s Song,” and “I Raise a Hallelujah,” is a reminder that death was not allowed to claim that soul. That soul is safely in Heaven. Hard as that week was, I am grateful for becoming so very close with my family, and that closeness has lasted beyond the storm. 

After that, what could happen?

Besides re-prioritizing one’s life. 

And that doesn’t always turn out the way we think it will. The theme I’d been working with all year was, “No regrets.” I’d learn to approach a situation with, “If I don’t do this, will I always regret it?” If the answer is yes, I had to try it. I knew I’d always regret not trying the zip line, so I went down it — twice (after the second ride, I got my first aid, lol). Would I regret not taking my first flight alone? Yes. So I did it alone.

The priorities in my life shifted quickly from “being normal” and accumulating things, to making memories, having experiences, and placing my family back above other relationships…Which is bound to leave out some people who think they ought to be included. The short version of this is: I had to let someone go. After, honestly, years of wondering why I was holding on. I knew I had to let go of a problem that I couldn’t fix. I don’t regret the time when we were friends; only that it ended the way it did. I do not regret my choice. But I’m definitely in the grieving stage. I have discussed this over and over with some close friends. And I have found some videos that I listen to regularly that remind me that all the red flags were present and I had to break off the relationship. But I didn’t expect the tidal wave of emotions I’ve had since then. It really is a process to work through.

But such is life, I suppose.

I found my own church, I’ve made more memories with family, and I’ve invested in the friends who invest in me.

I had my first grown up, adult crush this year too. But after discovering the position is full…well yeah, I was kind of upset for a while. But I learned something from it: the person I was, when I was trying to get his attention is the person I need to keep being. Not for the sake of the same guy. And not that I need to be “impressive,” or need to change. But the confidence I showed in who I am, the bravery I had in just starting conversations, trying to be a friend to him…those are all things that need to stay in my life.

“No Regrets,” will continue into 2020. Yesterday on Christmas Day, I honestly knew I’d lived the last year without regrets, to the best of my ability. And it’s the best feeling.

Going in to 2020?
I have a goal to redecorate my bedroom. Small goal? Nope. Because I plan to do it in a way that will help me appreciate and display the things that are important to me. A family vacation is in the works for the first time in years, too. I plan to make memories around home, save some money, and go on my next big solo adventure the next year.

What have you done this year that you’re really proud of? Fears faced? Memories made? I’d love to hear about them!

More new year’s goals to be shared soon!

 

 

 

2018 Wrap Up

Yes, I know it’s almost the end of January. But I figure as long as we’re still in the first month of the new year, it’s still a good time to talk about last year.

A lot happened in the last year. I did a lot of things and learned a lot about myself.

The thing: Early in 2018, I accompanied some friends on their family vacation. We drove 14 hours from mid-Michigan, up through the U.P, and to Minnesota, where we spent a week.
The take away: Riding 14 hrs in a car with a total of three adults and two kids and a lot of luggage is not something anyone should do, ever. But whad a lot of fun and saw The Mall of America, went to the zoo, the aquarium (I’d never been to one before), and an indoor kids’ playground, we went swimming in the warmest hotel pool ever. I also got food poisoning, but it gave me a day to myself in the hotel to regroup, so whatever.

The thing: I read 12 books! I haven’t read that many in one year in a really long time.
Take away: I like ebooks more than I thought I did, because some of those 12 I could read on my phone any time. My buddy book club failed after one month (insert grumbling sounds) but I was able to beta read an amazing book and I read and reviewed several ARCs!

The thing: I learned how to say no.
Take away: I’m happier. I don’t have people depending on me when they are perfectly capable of caring for themselves. I’m not so bloody tired all the time.

The thing: I stopped watching mainstream news. I do still watch the news; I am aware of what’s going on in the world.
Take away: I’m SO much happier! If you listen to fear-mongers every single night, yes you’re going to start hating life and questioning existence. So I’m limiting my intake. Disclaimer: I totally think it’s important to know what’s going on in the world! But I’m taking smaller doses and I’m not relying on mainstream media. Instead of the CBS Evening News, I watch TCT more often and actually see that there are some good things that happen every day. Or I read articles online.

The thing: I put my book aside.
Take away: My book is on hold indefinitely, while I figure out how to make a day to day plan to make income. I’m looking into freelance writing, proofreading, transcribing jobs, and most of all travel writing. I’m taking online classes through Udemy. And since the end of October, I’ve been working on a fan fiction that is now at 50k words and I’m editing and getting ready to post the first part online.
The thing with the book was I no longer wanted to work on it, to the point that I was starting to hate writing. I’m not saying Kya will never be published; I’m just not ready for it right now. And I do still plan to write fiction, but right now I need to start making writing into a real job and start planning. Because I’m 29 and I need goals.

The thing: I had to deal with car problems several times this year.
Take away: I might possibly be an adult now. Patches had to get towed three times this year, I safely pulled into a parking lot after navigating roughly a half mile of city traffic after my brake line broke, so I had no breaks, and my wipers stopped working right when I needed them so I went to an auto parts store on my way home all by myself and got them replaced. I also got my windshield replaced. Thankfully, my dad was able to do most of the repairs on my car so I only had to pay for parts, and my grandpa let me use his AAA Membership to have my car towed because my insurance would only pay for 5 miles and home was 40 miles away on all three occasions (starting to think Patches doesn’t like the city).
On that note, I bought myself a AAA Membership card, which I highly recommend! I paid $117 for a one year premium membership. Some of the things my plan covers is: free gas delivery, roadside assistance, roadside medical assistance for me and my passengers, (1) hundred mile tow, and up to I believe (2) 400 mile tows. If you want more info, definitely check out their website, this is a great addition to my car insurance, for when I’m far from home or need a little extra help!

The thing: As I mentioned above, I am taking some online courses through Udemy, though I plan to use some other sights as well. I know SkillShare is a great place, but what I was looking for was a site that lets me pay once per class. For me, this makes way more sense than paying a monthly subscription and trying to do as much work as possible per month. On Udemy, I pay once per class and have a lifetime access to it — this seemed like a way better deal. Their class prices vary, but keep en eye out for sales! I bought three classes at their New Year’s sale, when everything was 50% or more off! Most of the classes in this sale were $10 each, so I scooped up the three most expensive classes that I wanted all at once: a value of  $380 for just $30!
Take away: Obviously, if timed right, this is a huge value. Plus the lifetime access means I can visit these classes and instructors at any time in my writing journey. I’m loving my first class so far and I plan to do a review on it as soon as I’m done.

The thing: I made a lot of new writer friends this year!
Take away: I was able to interview some exceptional writers for my Author Spotlight posts; and because we were communicating much more than usual, I was able to become friends with a lot of them.

The thing: I started an Etsy shop!
Take away: I’m very excited to be sharing my love of nature and photography! All income from the photos will be used to further my writing, be it retreats and conferences, or my new laptop fund, or travel expenses or classes. I made my very first sale last week and that was very exciting for me and I’m happy to see that someone enjoys my work! At this point, I’m selling them only as digital downloads. You can check out my shop here and follow me on Facebook.

The thing: Beta read for the first time!
Take away: Beta reading was a lot of fun and I learned how to be a better reader and writer. Mostly I learned how to communicate better. PS, Critter Haven is now available, check it out! I loved this book!

So that’s my year in a nutshell! I also went camping with my best friend (in a tent) for the first time, I got my old job back at the library where I work with some awesome friends, I’ve recently been offered publication for one of my stories (more on that later), and I sent out fan mail for the first time. I have plenty of goals for 2019 to keep me busy.

What were some highlights of 2018 for you?